I was a scared little girl

When I was a little girl I would run around so scared.  My father would get so mad at me, whats wrong with you? What the hell are you talking about? There is nothing there!!  Are you crazy.  I think back and I feel for my father as he didn't have an idea of what he was up against.

My parents didn't get divorced until I was about 9 years old or so right around there, and my dad tried as best he could to be my father, and teach things he thought were important, and one of the things he was determined to get me through was seeing all these crazy things, and running around scared all the time.  I would see something and it would scare me because it would pop up, and off I would run, my heart beating so loud, and out of breath, my dad would look at me and say what the hell is wrong with you?  I say ghosts, ghosts, and he would get so mad, he would tell me that a damn ghost can't hurt you, I better start worrying about people, that are alive, not ghosts.

Then he would start yelling for my mother and that there is something wrong, they would have this long discussion, and then that was it until the next time....and WELL that happened a lot.  Try as they may to keep me happy, I was always talking to and seeing things that weren't there, they just thought it was because I was a little girl, and I was pretending 24/7 ? I guess.

My parents were both from farms, way out in the middle of no where, they had met and left family and all that behind for California.  My father was a medic in world war II and dealt with his own demons, my mother was psychic somewhat but would never talk about.  Wow...putting this on paper can be difficult, as I try to explain what it was like as a child.

I remember my grandparents on my mothers side came to visit when I was small, all the way from Montana, and they just the thought that this was the big city, and they were so cute to me and quiet, and then in the middle of the night I woke up to humming, and I looked in my room and there was a man sitting there, he told me all about Grandpa, and how much he loved him, so I thought the thing to do was to go get Grandpa, I mean he drove all this way to see us, and tell him his father was in my room, WELL by the time I got to Grandpa I had woke my father up too!!  And he would not have any of this, until my Grandma came out and told him, She says Arons dad is visiting her, I believe her, we are going to talk with him, my dad just got mad and went back to bed.  I looked at my Grandma in the middle of the night and she said its ok you have the sight, and grandma understands.  Lets us go talk to Grandpas dad and see what he has to say....that was when I knew even as a little girl, this was real, and it was ok...I loved my grandma so much, and I didn't get to see her much, we were so far away, but now I see her all the time.  She pops in and says Hello she always called me Rennie not Renee pronounced Renae, so I always know its her...she puts her arms around me to this day, and gives me love and support.



with much love Renee